So on the second Saturday in March, Bridget, Beth and I decided that we were going to make homemade soap. I’ve bought books and I’ve researched this, and you tubed it to death. I was ready. So we talked amongst ourselves to see who was going to bring what ingredients. We got off to a slow start when someone who shall remain nameless
Bridget forgot one of the thermometers. So we sent Benjamin to the store. Which means a 30-45 minute jaunt into Monroe to get a new one. Oh, have I mentioned that we live 2 miles outside of Monroe?? On Saturdays, it’s terrible for traffic. Everyone is either trying to get into Monroe for the evergreen fairgrounds, or everyone is trying to go over the pass or coming home. Needless to say, traffic is horrible.
So Bridget brought ingredients for making some bars of lotion. Think of this. It works wonderfully. So things were off to a good start! We of course stopped for lunch. Tacos! The missionaries came over for lunch instead of dinner. We then got onto making soap. I was reading, making sure that we had all the ingredients, making sure that I had my goggles on when mixing the lye. Oh yeah, we were prepared. I put someone in charge of mixing the oils and water. Again, she shall remain nameless… *cough* Bridget *cough* and well… needless to say, we mixed it, got great trace, and all I could think was, this is so easy! What are all of these soap making people talking about? Taking a lot of time. NOT! Stirring for a hour to achieve trace? pffft. Not us. We were pros. We pour it into the mold, get the saran wrap around it, put towels around it and put it in the oven to set for 24 hours before I cut them to let them cure.
We decide that since we’re on such a roll, that we need to make another one! yay! No problem! We’re pros!!
Wait a second.
That soap went to trace way too fast.
I look at Bridget with horror in my eyes.
We forgot the water.
A key ingredient.
A HUGE key ingredient.
We think, meh, it’ll turn out ok.
But, since we know we didn’t add water, we’ll just make another batch. So out comes the lye again. And more oils. Yeah, and the water. We made sure we had the water. So we again, heat the oils to make sure that the lye and the soap is near the same temperature. While we’re waiting for this, we make homemade toothpaste! (which I thought was gross) Needless to say, I didn’t keep any of it!
It’s finally time to pour the lye into the oils and water. It’s time to stir and to get trace. So we stir.
And stir some more.
Then I ask Bridget to stir. Then she asks Beth to stir and then Beth in turn asked me to stir. Holy cow, that’s a lot of stirring! And I. Just. Couldn’t. Get. Trace. So I decide that I need to turn the stick blender on more than we have. So I’m pulsing it more and more and I looked up and guess what? So did my arm! Which means that the lye solution splashed up.
Into my eye.
The eye that Kathryn ripped part of my cornea out of about 13 years ago and the same eye that I’ve had problems with ever since? In fact, the cornea will occasionally rip off and re-adhere. Well, guess what? It had ripped off just the night before. And splashed my eye in the exact same spot.
And the conversation went something like this:
Beth: Benjamin, we need the number to poison control.
Benjamin: Huh? (he’s sleeping on the couch)
Sara: Frantically splashing water into my eye. It stings really bad. I’m also asking who’s going to keep stirring. I want that dang trace!!!
Beth: Benjamin? Do you have poison controls number yet?
Benjamin: Oh, you’re serious? Oh, let me get that for you.
Poison Control: How may we help you?
Beth: My friend got some lye into her eye
Poison Control: blah blah blah blah
Beth: Sara? Do you have any eye problems?
Sara: Why yes, I do! I have cornea problems. Part of my cornea rips off sometimes.
Beth: Yes, she has cornea problems. Her cornea was just ripped off.
Poison Control: WHHHHHHHHHHHHHAT??????? BLAH BLAH BLAH
Beth: Sara, they want you to get to an emergency room now.
Sara: *sigh* *wash wash wash wash* Ok, we’ll go.
Beth: Ok, they’re calling Monroe’s emergency room right now.
Sara: I’m not going to Monroe! I’ll drive to Evergreen!
Beth: Yeah, they’re going to Evergreen.
So off we go to Evergreen and I leave Bridget and Beth with the soap making. As I’m leaving, I’m telling them that it has to get to trace before they can pour it in.
We get to the emergency room.
I’m in a room in less than 5 minutes. Triage was all, “Yeah, poison control called us and told us you were coming. We have a room all set up for you.”
Which they did. We didn’t take any pictures, but I found some pictures on Google images. Can I tell you, that it hurt like a son of a biscuit?? I mean, I would put this second to the most painful thing in my life. The first being Lily’s c-section and the meds wore off before they were done stitching me up.
This? Was second.
This is what it looked like:
This was hooked up to a liter of saline solution and went into my eye. It then looked like this:
It took an hour and a half for it to totally fill in. About three times we took it out and re-numbed my eye.
And the soap? Well, neither batch worked out. I took all my supplies over to Bridget’s house and gave them to her. And we just got the bill from the ER. Our portion was $377. Now I could have bought a lot of homemade soap with that.