6 years… already?

Happy birthday Amy Lynne. Really? You’d be 6 years old already? Time doesn’t make the hurt go away, but it sure does dull the senses. I’ve tried all sorts of things through the years. I’ve gone and just bawled all day long, I’ve visited your grave, I’ve tried distraction. Distraction works the best. For the most part. Yesterday, we went to church. We didn’t make sacrament… I couldn’t sleep the night before. We came home and took a nap. I went visiting teaching. Then I came home and realized that I hadn’t eaten anything at all and I so didn’t want to make dinner. Sally sent us home some fabulous breadsticks and pasta. Can we say thank you???? You’d have loved Sally. She is so awesome. I didn’t visit your grave this year. It’s so hard to visit your grave. Knowing that your body is so close but I cannot touch you or hold you. I think this is the first year I didn’t cry. I’m still pretty bitter that you’re not here. No matching Easter dresses, or Christmas dresses with your younger sister. I ask Lily who her sisters are. She names off Lauren and Kathryn and then when I say who else? She says Amy Lynne! She thinks she’s the big sister since all the pictures we have of you are as a baby. Oh, I know one day she’ll understand. She wants to be a big sister so bad! I love you and miss you so much. I wonder what you’d look like now as a 6 year old. Maybe Lily wouldn’t be so homesick for Kjelly if you were here. Or maybe you’d both be homesick for Kjelly and it wouldn’t matter.

No matter what you look like now. You’ll always be my gorilla nose girl with the double ear lobe.


I love you tons and can’t wait to see you again!


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