I’m a Genius

So I’ve been busy. One weekend ago, our company went to the Women’s show. I went on Friday and Sunday. Then, I had a meeting on Monday evening. 3 hard long days. Check. Work on Tuesday, skip YW to do laundry and pack for my trip. Check. Realize on Tuesday that my flight leaves at 8am instead of 12 noon like you thought. Panic. Check. Leave for Tampa at 6am.

Ok, so my mother had told me that we were going to have first class on the second leg of our trip. I was so excited. I mean who doesn’t love first class? So we go up to the counter to get everything finalized with our airline. We learn that the person my mother spoke to had put in that we were using our airline miles, which might I add that we don’t have ANY? First class? Sure, if we had an extra $600. First class no more. (insert wailing and gnashing of teeth) We get our stuff and go through security. Which takes forever because SeaTac has one security stop (more on that later) so we’re trudging through all the people. I start bleating like a sheep. Wait, that was on the way back.  We go through the metal detector and I pass and then this women is in front of me is holding out her arms. Being that I’ve never been patted down going through security, I thought she wanted to give me a hug. No joke. So, I gave her a hug. She looks at me and says, please put your arms out like I’m doing. I’m going to pat you down. Oops.

So we get on the flight and my mother has just gotten settled and I’m working on getting into my seat when I flight attendant comes down to our seats and says that Sherrie & Sara need to come with her immediately. They have sold our seats to others. Whaaaa?? And they are moving us to first class. Now we’re talking!! We’re thinking that since the operator messed up and we didn’t get first class on our second portion of the trip, that if they were able to sell our seats, then they would bump us up to first class. They never really explained it to us.

Second half of the trip was very uneventful.

We get to the Hilton in St. Petersburg, Florida and we have our conference. We were learning more about our accounting system. I learned a little. Enough to make the trip worth it. It rained the whole time we were there. Windy. Tornados. Water breaking rain fall. Yes, it followed us to Florida. I couldn’t help it.

So we get to the airport in Tampa and let me tell you… they know how to get people through security. Each gate has their own security. So we aren’t herded like sheep. It was great. We got through security in like 5 minutes flat. No hugging, patting down agents or anything. Of course, they aren’t a huge hub. I swear in SeaTac, they’re on alert for terrorists. So, after we get into the terminal, I of course look at my mother and say, “Wow, that was the BOMB going through security.” Yes, I know, genius.

Fortunately for all of you, that isn’t even my most genius part yet.

Now, here is where my genius-ness comes into play. All of the planes are either cancelled or late because of the weather. We were supposed to fly out to Memphis and get a connecting flight to Seattle. Did I mention that our flights are only 27 minutes apart? And that our plane left Florida 30 minutes late?? Seeing something here? So I am totally freaking out. My mother is all, what is wrong with you?? If we miss our plane, we spend the night in Memphis and we go sight seeing. No problem. I keep looking at my wonderful watch my husband got me for Christmas. OK, so can you see why we’re going to miss our flight? So I say to my mother, is Memphis in eastern standard time or central? My mother says, that she thinks that it is in eastern. Me: Having a major panic attack here. Now you have to know, my mother is the worlds smartest woman. So it was true. So as we’re getting on the plane, I say to the stewardess “Are we going to get in the air fast? I mean we have a connecting flight to Memphis that leaves at 7:20. I think we’re going to miss it.” She just looks at me and says: I don’t know and frankly, I don’t care. PYSCHO. I’m not sure. We are not aware of connecting flights.

So we get in there, settled, and all I can think of is missing my family another night. As it is, I’ve already been away for 3 full days and Lily just doesn’t understand why I’m missing. She thinks that Jeri has locked me away in my office, she keeps asking Rosi where her mama is and walks around at night looking for me at home. I. AM. ANXIOUS. I am totally driving my mother nuts. I think she’s ready to shoot me at this point. Or drug me. Whichever will work faster.

So we’re in our flight and I look down at my watch. It’s 7:20 and we’ve officially missed our plane. About 20 minutes later, my mother is sleeping and this announcement comes on over the plane. “We want to let you all know that Memphis is in central time zone. For those of you awaiting a 7:20 flight, you will make it, we will land around 6:50.” What the hell? If we’re over 30 minutes late getting off the ground, how did we make up that time? Can you get traffic tickets flying a plane too fast? I then realized that my mother, the worlds smartest woman… may have been mistaken. oops! So I’m feeling really better and when my mother wakes up, I tell her the good news. She looks at me and says. “Phew! lets slink off the plane and pretend that we knew all along that Memphis is in central.” I look at her like she is nuts and say, “Too late mom. They announced it over the system. The whole plane knows I’m a genius.” We cackled and laughed about it for the rest of the flight. Of course, we’re not that quiet so all of the people around us knew that announcement was for us.

So we land and it’s about 6:55 and the plane gets to where we are going and then stops about 100 feet from our gate. The pilot announces that there is some stuff in the way and we have to sit and wait for them to move it. ARE YOU KIDDING ME????? We are this close and we’re going to miss our flight? Dontcha know, this is my luck? We sit there for what seemed like hours and finally the plane gets to the gate. I now have 5 minutes until the other plane leaves. The sweet flight attendant announces over the plane that if we have connecting flights, to please let those people off first. The plane cheers. We’re at B-27 and our other flight leaves at B-3. So I’m thinking that we have this long hallway to get to it. Ok, that would be too easy wouldn’t  it? So I am literally running because I know once they close those doors that we cannot get on even if the plane sits there for another 20 minutes. I also know my mom isn’t going to be able to run, but if I can get there and get one foot on the other side, I won’t let her close the door. So up the hallway I run and I have to go down another hallway to get to B-3. I’m pushing people out of the way. This guy starts running with me! He’s in my way and I snarl at him that he’d better move out of my way because I wasn’t going to miss a plane because of him. I get near B-3 and she announces that this is the last call for our flight. I skid to a stop and I’m breathing heavily. I….. need….. to….. get…..on…..this……plane. She says OK. I tell her my mother is coming and that she cannot close the door until she gets here. We finally get on and this women comes right after me and asked the woman if she had time to go and buy a sandwich?!! Um, NO??

So we got on and the doors closed within a couple of minutes of us getting on. What I didn’t realize was that they had to wait for our luggage to get onto this plane. We sat there for another 30 minutes before we left. It was a 4 hour flight. We arrived home at 10pm. Our flight wasn’t scheduled to come in until 10:30. And that was if we left on time. Our flight took us 3 hours instead of 4 hours. Again… can pilots get speeding tickets??

I’m glad we went. I just need to have a chart of what states are in what time zones. Because I flunked that. Really bad. And the whole plane knew what an idiot I am.

The end.

Question of the day: Do you have any funny flying stories you’d like to share?

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NO!

Lily, do you want to go for a walk?
NO!
yes, you do.
Lily, do you want a capri sun?
NO!
Yes, you do.
Lily, do you want to play with play doh?
NO!
Yes, you do.
Lily, do you want your diaper changed?
NO!
Maybe not, but I’m gonna anyway.
Lily, do you want to go and see Rosi?
NO!
Yes, you do.
Lily, do you want to play with the ball?
NO!
Yes, you do.
Lily, wanna go night-night?
NO!
Yes, you do.

The 2’s are coming way too early for me thankyouverymuch.